Our winter double issue features two superb meditations on family, gender, mourning and becoming. Yves Rees is the winner of this year's Calibre Essay Prize. 'Reading the Mess Backwards' is a story of trans becoming that digs into the messiness of bodies, gender and identity. ABR Rising Star Sarah Walker writes beautifully about losing her mother and the difficulties of commemoration during a pandemic. James Ley has a virtuoso pastiche of Philip Roth in his review of the Portnoy trials. Sophie Cunningham reviews Richard Cooke's book on Robyn Davidson. Plus poems by Gwen Harwood, Jaya Savige, and Stephen Edgar – and much more!